cookies, Personal

Lavender Sablés

March 31, 2017

A lot has happened since I last posted. Our daughter Inara arrived a few weeks early, and we finally got Sherlock, our Diabetic Alert Dog. Our family, and my life, has changed quite a bit. And it’s been a rough week. JC has been traveling for work, and even though my parents are insanely helpful (my father does things like take the trash out and walk Sherlock for me while my mom cooks us meals and takes Aiyla to her house for hours), I still feel like I’m drowning sometimes.

I don’t feel like a person, but a robot tending to little people. My body isn’t mine anymore because either someone is leaching on my boob, spitting up on me, needing to sit in my lap or be carried because God forbid mama only have to carry herself up the stairs. I think my brain cells are slowly dying, because this postpartum mush brain isn’t articulate anymore (I’ve had to retype that sentence a few times).

I’ve been told it’s ok, that it’s temporary and things will get better. To be easy on myself. But as a T1D mom, it’s not ok. It’s not ok to forget things, or not be on top of my game. I can’t forget that Aiyla needs her shot of Lantus at 8 am. I can’t sleep when my babies sleep. I can’t forget to wake up to test her 3 times a night. She’s been running low at night, and we tried lowering the Lantus to counter that, but she had two readings over 300 those days so we opted for less sleep and letting her dream feed milk to keep her stable instead of risking the extreme highs. It’s not ok to forget when her Lantus is going to kick in and that she needs to eat before her nap. It’s not ok to forget to order her special diluted Humalog that has to be picked up from the hospital every month (crap, I had to stop typing and call the pharmacist).

It’s not ok that I have to blink back tears as my daughter hides to eat high carb food she’s gotten a hold of. It’s not ok that she looks so guilty and scared when my mom finds her in a corner eating some corn on the cob. It’s not ok that she has to cry and plead about how she doesn’t want a shot. It’s not ok that my daughter’s blood is on my hands everyday as I test her a minimum of 10 times a day. It’s not ok that her blood is always on her bed sheets from all the night time tests. It’s not ok that I have to go against my mama instinct to feed my child and withhold food from her.

I know that having T1D isn’t the worst thing in the world, because I’ve lived with it for over 20 years. It gets easier. It gets so you can forget for parts of the day. I know that things are getting better, and research is improving our quality of life every day. I know anything and everything you could ever tell me about living Diabetes. I’ve dealt with all of it. But we’re always trying to catch up. Catching up to that high before it gets out of control, catching that low before its too late, catching those carbs before they affect her blood sugars. Catching up to our failing pancreas’. And when you’re a tiny kid, it sure as hell isn’t fair to feel like you’re being punished for something you have no control over.

Add in the fact that my postpartum hormones are driving my own blood sugars out of whack, and it just hasn’t been one of those weeks where I can forget about Diabetes. And no, it’s not ok.

On that note, here’s a kind of diabetes friendly recipe. It’s portion controlled so you don’t eat too many, and the sugar the original recipe calls for doesn’t affect the texture, meaning its safe to use replacements (always use less sweetener than sugar). I find that coconut sugar doesn’t wreak havoc on our blood sugars as much. It looks like a lot of steps, but it’s a really easy recipe as long as you have the foresight to remember it needs to be refrigerated before baking.

Lavender Sablés
  • 2 sticks (16 tbsp) unsalted butter, at room temperature
  • ¼ cup sugar
  • ¼ cup coconut sugar
  • ¼ cup swerve or your choice of sugar replacement
  • ½ tsp salt
  • 2 large egg yolks, at room temperature
  • 2 cups flour
  • 2 tbsp lavender
  1. Working with a stand mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, beat the butter at medium speed until smooth and creamy.
  2. Add the sugar, sugar replacement and salt and beat until well blended, about 1 minute. The mixture should be smooth and velvety, not fluffy and airy.
  3. Reduce the mixer speed to low and beat in egg yolks, again beating until the mixture is well blended.
  4. Turn off the mixer. Pour in the flour, drape a kitchen towel over the stand mixer to protect yourself and your counter.
  5. Pulse the mixture at low speed about 5 times, a second or two each time. If there is still a lot of flour on the surface of the dough, pulse a few more times (you want to work the dough as little as possible).
  6. Remove towel, add lavender and at low speed mix for about 30 seconds, just until the flour disappears into the dough and it looks uniformly moist. The dough will not clean the sides of the bowl, and it also won't come together in a ball. You want it to be soft, moist and clumpy (like Playdough).
  7. Scrape the dough onto a smooth work surface, gather into a ball and divide into half.
  8. Shape each piece into a smooth log about 9 inches long, its easiest to work on a piece of plastic wrap and use the plastic to help shape the log.Wrap the logs well and refrigerate for at least 3 hours. I prefer overnight for all my cookies.
  9. Center a rack in the oven and preheat to 350 and line your baking sheets with silicone mats or parchment.
  10. Remove a log from the fridge, unwrap it and place it on a piece of parchment or wax paper. Slice the log into ⅓-inch thick cookies.
  11. Place the rounds on the baking sheets, leaving an inch between your cookies.
  12. Bake one sheet at a time for 17-20 minutes, rotating midway. They should be light brown on the bottom, lightly golden on the edges and pale on top. Let the cookies rest for 2 minutes before removing them from the sheets to cool.



Motherhood Transitions

October 30, 2016

I’ve never wanted or let Diabetes stop me from doing anything. Sometimes to the extent that I may not have been as responsible as I should have been. But I’m fortunate enough to be able to say that for all the hardships and difficulties and annoyances that Diabetes has caused in my life, it has all been outweighed by the fact that it brought the amazing man I have the privilege of calling my husband into my life. Even though we’ll probably never know if either one or both of us is to ‘blame’ for the fact that Aiyla now suffers from the same condition, I would never ever change my decision to spend the rest of my life with this man, and I would never decide not to have had Aiyla. She will be a stronger person because of it, and is still a perfectly happy and blessed child.

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Coffee Financiers

September 8, 2016

Blogging and baking. I used to love both. But then I made it a part of my job and put it on a schedule, and the pressure makes it suck. I honestly hate that something I loved so much has become, well, a chore. Baking in this house is also extremely difficult with a little diabetic in the house. Aiyla literally dipped her hands in sugar the other day while ‘helping’ me bake and then licked her fingers. It was cute and funny but scary because it spiked her blood sugars like nothing else. And in flooded the ‘I’m the worst mother in the world’ feelings.

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Peach Cobbler

July 5, 2016

Aaahhh. We’re FINALLY in our new house, with all the plumbing working, boxes out of the way, new countertops installed, baby gate put up, and outlet covers in their places to ward off wiggly fingers. It’s been a super exhausting experience because everything that could seemed to have gone wrong. I’m talking water damage from busted pipes, leaking toilets, water heaters breaking, not being able to use the fixtures I spent so much time researching, garage doors not working. It’s not completely done yet, there’s small things here and there that still need to happen. But I fully intend on writing a blog post about the transformation of this house since we got it with before and after pictures because I am in love with it now. Add in the fact that we’re halfway between my parents and my sister (both less than 10 minutes away), there’s a park and elementary school across the street and we can actually walk to a library and Target, I’m pretty happy.

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breakfast, coconut, coffee, Muffins

Coconut Financiers

May 9, 2016

I’ve been running away from Diabetes for a long time. You see, I had somewhat of a traumatic experience when I was diagnosed. The kids in my 4th grade class all thought I was contagious when I came back from the hospital and refused to talk to me or play with me. I was made fun of for having to eat a snack in the back of the classroom at prescribed times, and avoided like the plague.  I ended up switching schools, but was still made fun of. Kids thought I was making it up to get out of class when I had to go to the nurses office for low blood sugars. I was yelled at by a teacher for being lazy and ‘sleeping’ in her class when I was having a low blood sugar. It defined who I was, what I ate, who I was friends with, what I could do. I hated it.

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breakfast, Muffins

Low Carb Yogurt Bread

March 18, 2016

Having a doctor tell you that your child could die is the scariest thing that could ever happen to you. And I pray that none of you ever have to hear those words. A few weeks ago, I rushed Aiyla to the ER after she woke up with extremely heavy breathing (turns out it was Kussmaul breathing) and a full day of throwing up without keeping much down. She had been peeing a little more than usual and extremely thirsty. I had taken her in to an urgent doctors appointment the day before, and she had said it was probably just the stomach virus and to wait it out. That even a high blood sugar reading was probably just a sign of her body fighting an infection. But I asked them to check her ketones and blood sugar at the ER, and I was unfortunately right. She was in DKA (diabetic ketoacidosis). My little girl was diagnosed with Diabetes at the young age of 10 months old.

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Granola Chip Cookies

October 30, 2015

I officially suck as a blogger. But its ok. I have a mobile 6 month old on my hands, am taking 7 courses to get my certificate in social sector leadership, run a business, a household and have a family life. Along with some volunteer commitments like being on the UPLIFT board, the JDRF Walk Committee and Pencils of Promise Leadership Council. I’m totally trying to impress myself here to make it seem like I have a legitimate reason for not posting about the growing list of recipes I have.

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cake, chocolate, chocolate: cake, cookies

Oreo Cake

August 13, 2015
I have a handful of dear friends that are pregnant (most of them are expecting around the same time frame). Which means yay for more babies! Most of them are first time mommy’s (like me!) and a few have asked about any suggestions or advice I might have. I started drafting an email to send to those few that have asked, then thought about sending it to the ones who didn’t ask for it, and decided to blog about it instead that way the ones who didn’t necessarily ask for any of this info could still have access to it, without me feeling like I was giving the unsolicited advice I didn’t care for while I was pregnant.

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breakfast, cake, fruit, Muffins

Peach Pound Cake

July 11, 2015

I’m going to be a little mushy gushy in this post. I have some pretty awesome sisters. I am nothing at all like my older sister, Sophie. She is super outgoing, talkative, loud, talks a mile a minute, and opinionated. We don’t agree on music, clothes, shoes or even food (she is an avid dark chocolate lover whereas I am vanilla through and through). She will buy a pair of shoes if I absolutely hate them. She is also extremely entertaining and fun to be around. We don’t look related either.

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